An Essay on Marriage.

“Most marriages end terribly because they are built on conformity and not on truth.”

Source: Insight

I am not a marriage counselor. I am not married, nor have I been in numerous relationships.

I’m writing this essay to share my perspective on marriage, relationships, and the recurring patterns I’ve observed—along with what one can do to create a more meaningful life through deeper, more conscious relationships.

Why does a person get married? What is the reason?

I believe most people never truly question marriage. They assume it’s something everyone does—it’s a societal norm. But I think that’s where the problem begins.

Many marry without a clear reason, simply out of conformity.
This leads to problems. If you don’t know why you’re doing something, it loses its meaning—and often, it becomes a burden.

I once had a conversation with one of my uncles. He was talking about marriage, and I said, “Most people don’t really know why they get married. They only realize it 10 or 20 years later, when they become frustrated and begin to question the very decision to marry.”

Here’s a different perspective I want to offer:

We live in a world that glorifies sacrifice in the name of service—parents sacrificing their dreams for their children, for example.

But I think “sacrifice” is the wrong word.
Service should stem from love and compassion, not from a sense of moral obligation.

True service adds peace and fulfillment to life.
It should not take away your happiness or sabotage your personal growth.

Duty begins with responsibility, not with blind obligation—especially not obligations that harm you or limit your potential.

So, why marry?
This is the first question a person should ask themselves. The answer will shape the entire context of their relationship.

If you’re not clear about what you want from a relationship, it will become an obligation—a burden to carry.

Whom to marry?
Once you know why you want to marry, you can design a “filter” to help choose the right person. Just like we filter information, we must filter people. Explore, meet, talk—but choose based on your why.
This won’t guarantee the “perfect” person, but it will increase the quality of your relationships.

Most people don’t know themselves.

When there’s no inner clarity, people look outward for guidance. They start acting the way everyone else does. They conform.

So, the journey toward meaningful relationships begins with forming a meaningful relationship with yourself.
When you know who you are and what you truly want, you’ll form better and longer-lasting connections—whether in friendship, marriage, or any other form of relationship.

Ask yourself:

1. Who am I?

2. Why do I want this relationship?

3. With whom should I form this relationship— someone who supports my growth and aligns with my values?